I had been contemplating starting up this blog to document and process my transition from life in America back to Australia. However, now I have another little adventure to work through.
In 11 days I will be fulfilling a long-time dream of living in New York City. I have accepted a position with a mother and her daughter to be a nanny/assistant on the Upper West Side. I am thrilled to be able to have this opportunity and be able to say that I obtained a goal that seemed unrealistic and just whimsical at times.
However, as this blog often clearly explains, I'm not great at transitions. I'm feeling a bit anxious about packing, adjusting, friends.... or.. lack thereof.
I'm currently at a point in my life where my whole outlook, my "mantra" if you will, has definitely shifted. I'm trying to embrace the world more: experience it; be a part of it; participate, instead of just watch it happen around me.
I'm also at a point where I feel like I've really established a pretty good group of people to surround myself with. I don't necessarily have a strong friend group or community; it's more like I have a select few individuals from different aspects of my life that I feel I can depend on and who are significant and fulfill my own personal need to feel significant. We have things in common, strong discussions, they are compassionate, intentional, present, they challenge me, they're willing.
Unfortunately, this move to New York kind of puts these two new areas of my world into conflict: on the one hand I am going on an adventure and diving into one of the largest most exciting cities on planet earth. But, on the other hand, I am leaving behind the people I feel like I've finally found to do life alongside.
So, as I feel excited to tackle a new city and a new experience that I've been aching for for years, I also feel anxiety - fear even - for the loneliness that is about to ensue. I am going to do my best to keep in contact with said people - they mean too much to me and have shown me too much love and care for me not to. But I'm also going to have to be very intentional about trying to find friends who replicate these same ideals in life and friendship. I may not find them - but if I can at least find people I can be myself with and who can fill some of the lonely hours, then I'll consider it a blessing, and I will be grateful.
Honestly though, in a way I only hope to find more shallow, surface-level friendships. Because I don't want to replace any of the people in my life that I have now. And I don't want to form more bonds that I will only have to lose or break when I leave New York for Australia. It's going to be painful enough leaving the friends I have now. I've seen so many people in and out of my life the past 15 years that it's hard for me to trust in friendships. But once I do, that trust runs deep, which creates the chance for me to be deeply hurt if I feel like those friendships become insignificant.
"There's freedom in not being close to anyone, because then you don't get hurt."
The battle then becomes the freedom to not feel hurt when I leave versus the loneliness of doing life in New York with surface-level friends.
Who knows, maybe I will meet people who do shape me the way my friends now have. Maybe I'll just find people to grab coffee with when I'm feeling bored. I honestly have no idea what the next year holds for me. Part of that is scary, but a lot of it is exciting.
Stay tuned for depressing posts about my struggle. (And some fun New York musings).
+ things I'll miss about America.
Thanks, as always.
In 11 days I will be fulfilling a long-time dream of living in New York City. I have accepted a position with a mother and her daughter to be a nanny/assistant on the Upper West Side. I am thrilled to be able to have this opportunity and be able to say that I obtained a goal that seemed unrealistic and just whimsical at times.
However, as this blog often clearly explains, I'm not great at transitions. I'm feeling a bit anxious about packing, adjusting, friends.... or.. lack thereof.
I'm currently at a point in my life where my whole outlook, my "mantra" if you will, has definitely shifted. I'm trying to embrace the world more: experience it; be a part of it; participate, instead of just watch it happen around me.
I'm also at a point where I feel like I've really established a pretty good group of people to surround myself with. I don't necessarily have a strong friend group or community; it's more like I have a select few individuals from different aspects of my life that I feel I can depend on and who are significant and fulfill my own personal need to feel significant. We have things in common, strong discussions, they are compassionate, intentional, present, they challenge me, they're willing.
Unfortunately, this move to New York kind of puts these two new areas of my world into conflict: on the one hand I am going on an adventure and diving into one of the largest most exciting cities on planet earth. But, on the other hand, I am leaving behind the people I feel like I've finally found to do life alongside.
So, as I feel excited to tackle a new city and a new experience that I've been aching for for years, I also feel anxiety - fear even - for the loneliness that is about to ensue. I am going to do my best to keep in contact with said people - they mean too much to me and have shown me too much love and care for me not to. But I'm also going to have to be very intentional about trying to find friends who replicate these same ideals in life and friendship. I may not find them - but if I can at least find people I can be myself with and who can fill some of the lonely hours, then I'll consider it a blessing, and I will be grateful.
Honestly though, in a way I only hope to find more shallow, surface-level friendships. Because I don't want to replace any of the people in my life that I have now. And I don't want to form more bonds that I will only have to lose or break when I leave New York for Australia. It's going to be painful enough leaving the friends I have now. I've seen so many people in and out of my life the past 15 years that it's hard for me to trust in friendships. But once I do, that trust runs deep, which creates the chance for me to be deeply hurt if I feel like those friendships become insignificant.
"There's freedom in not being close to anyone, because then you don't get hurt."
The battle then becomes the freedom to not feel hurt when I leave versus the loneliness of doing life in New York with surface-level friends.
Who knows, maybe I will meet people who do shape me the way my friends now have. Maybe I'll just find people to grab coffee with when I'm feeling bored. I honestly have no idea what the next year holds for me. Part of that is scary, but a lot of it is exciting.
Stay tuned for depressing posts about my struggle. (And some fun New York musings).
+ things I'll miss about America.
Thanks, as always.
